


Captain Alaska, Professional Avengers Snow Shoveler

by Dunnrulestheworld, SociopathicAngel



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Accidental hero, Other, Really bad hero, Roger is amazing I love him, and just gives people accidental concussions, he's really useless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 02:41:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6835675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dunnrulestheworld/pseuds/Dunnrulestheworld, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SociopathicAngel/pseuds/SociopathicAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain Alaska has moved from his home in Chicken, Alaska to New York city and is totally making a fool of himself there. When he hits a seemingly random civilian on the head, he expects another lawsuit but get a different surprise instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Captain Alaska, Professional Avengers Snow Shoveler

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SociopathicAngel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SociopathicAngel/gifts).



> Another thing I wrote for creative writing. It's not that great and full of plot holes but I think it's kinda funny and totally fits the parody genre.  
> It's also a sequel to SociopathicAngel's "Captain Alaska" which is a better written story using my oc.

I didn’t know why I’d come out here. Why New York? Why couldn’t I have just stayed in Chicken where it was safe, where I could accidentally fight crime  _ without _ getting charged with assault by ten different people every time I stepped outside? Regardless of why, I was there. I ran through the streets of New York every day, wearing a navy blue spandex suit that I tried really hard on. Tried being the key word. I carried my stop sign shield with me everywhere, though I had painted over the red. I left the  **stop** on there because I thought it would be funny, but the background was no longer red; instead, it was navy blue like my suit. So every day I roamed. And every day I would catch a small time thief or a carjacker doing their thing in broad daylight. And every day I would throw the shield and manage to scare the criminal away… but also give some poor citizen a concussion. I had so many court dates. But somehow I was able to stay out of major trouble. That is, until the day I hit someone who wasn’t just a random stranger on the street.

I was after a thief. A mugger, to be more specific. He had stolen  someone’s purse. So I ran after him in my usual fashion, sweating in my morph suit. While the mugger paused by an alleyway, I hefted my shield behind me and tossed it like a frisbee. At that  _ precise _ moment, a seemingly random person walked right in the path of the shield. It wobbled in the air and conked them on the head with the flat face of the sign. They went down in half a second flat. I groaned as the mugger escaped. I moved over to the person who had most likely been concussed by my shield. It was a man in his forties with an attractive face and dark facial hair, meticulously sculpted. I took a step back as I realized just exactly who I had hit. Tony Stark himself lay unconscious on the sidewalk, a plastic bag of chocolate strewn about around him. 

He stirred and moaned and I immediately started babbling.

“I’m so sorry Mr. Stark sir I had no idea who you were and I never would have tried to hit you, or anyone for that matter, oh my god I’m so sorry are you okay?” Tony sat up and looked dazed.

“Relax kid I feel fine,” the dazed roll of his eyes betrayed how he actually felt. “just fine.”

“Well just like, let me at least get you to a hospital.” I suggested.

“I’m telling you, I’m fine. Besides, we don’t want a press fiasco. Imagine the headline: ‘Iron Man himself was escorted to the hospital after being hit on the head by some kid in a unitard’. J.A.R.V.I.S can get me going again, no problem.”

I practically passed out. Tony Stark was perfectly okay with me  _ nearly giving him a concussion.  _ He asked me for my phone number, so he could contact me with insurance details in case it ended up being needed. I obliged, with a giant knot in my stomach.

The next day, I received a phone call. I groaned, my anxiety hiking up. I answered with a cautious “hello”. Tony Stark was on the other end. All he said to me, was an invitation to join the Avengers initiative. Of course I accepted, I mean, who wouldn’t? I hadn’t stepped outside at all that day, and when I did, I sank up to my knees in snow. I had forgotten that New York sometimes gets smothered. But, I was good at maneuvering through the snow. I had learned fast back home in Alaska. It took me nearly an hour to drive the 14 miles into the city, but I made it nonetheless. I drug my frozen body into Stark Tower to meet Tony. I was giddy and nervous and shocked all at the same time, the emotions knotting my insides and tearing me apart. Tony told me that I had a good arm and that I could be useful on a day like today. I didn’t quite understand so he clarified with a simple sentence, moving his hands in a grand gesture of title. “Captain Alaska, Professional Avengers Snow Shoveler”.


End file.
